Problems with mother in law?
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Problems with old fashion asian mother in law?
My husband and I known each other our whole lives. We got married last year but I have an child from a previous relationship.We’ve been married since December 2008. My husband has taken the role to be a father all on his own as if the child was his very own. Now, i am pregnant with our own child, about 3 months along. But my mother n law HATES me. I’ve never had a problem before we got married, she was sweet as SUGAR, except she warned both of us NOT to get married.
She says she is upset with ‘us’ because she wasn’t able to go to our wedding. She wasn’t able to go to our wedding because, she stays 6 months in the Philippines. When ever I go to her house for my husband to visit her, she totally ignores me as if I was a ghost. But treats her son like royalty. Recently, shes asking really rude questions to my husband behind my back. Example, "Do you help support her child (the child from the previous relationship), well you need to cut her off." "Do you share an account with her, don’t trust her." "When you deploy, is she going to have access to your account? If so, you really need to kick her off your account." "Your just being nice to her, you really ruined your life."
My husband and I known each other our whole lives. We got married last year but I have an child from a previous relationship. We’ve been married since December 2008. My husband has taken the role to be a father all on his own as if the child was his very own. Now, i am pregnant with our own child, about 3 months along. But my mother n law HATES me. I’ve never had a problem before we got married, she was sweet as SUGAR, except she warned both of us NOT to get married.
She says she is upset with ‘us’ because she wasn’t able to go to our wedding. She wasn’t able to go to our wedding because, she stays 6 months in the Philippines. When ever I go to her house for my husband to visit her, she totally ignores me as if I was a ghost. But treats her son like royalty. Recently, shes asking really rude questions to my husband behind my back. Example, "Do you help support her child (the child from the previous relationship), well you need to cut her off." "Do you share an account with her, don’t trust her." "When you deploy, is she going to have access to your account? If so, you really need to kick her off your account." "Your just being nice to her, you really ruined your life."
So I thought it would be better to bring my best female friend to come with my husband and I to visit his parents (for my support). My mother in law LOOOOOOOVED my friend. My mother n law was treating my best friend as if she married my husband! My mother n law then made dinner for ONLY my husband and my best friend. They all ate at the family table while I sat in the living room across the house by myself. My husband persuaded me across the house to sit by him and eat. But I felt like, since it was my mother n law house and her food she made, I definitely did not feel invited. My mother n law is a ditzy 38 year old woman from the Philiphines that loves attention from everyone. So when ever we go and see her, she loves holding me husbands hand, kissing him all the time, as if she’s trying to make me jealous. She also loves to mention my husbands ex girlfriend (who was my old friend from middle school). He just ignores her completely when she tries to mention his ex. I feel like she loves bring his ex up in spite like its a game. On his birthday last month, we were doing family pictures. My mother n law was taking pictures of my husband with his father and his sister. When my husband asked his mother to take a picture of him and I, she said, "No, take your own picture." My husband doesn’t really say ANYTHING to her how I feel because he thinks it will just take time. This situation is actually A LOT worst how i described it, these are just some examples. We are always arguing about it. What should I do to make this situation better? Should be not go over anymore together? Should we cut our lives away from her? My husband told me she DOESNT ever want to be nice to me or even try to make it better. But I am pregnant, and at this point i DO NOT want her to see the baby or be near it. So, my story is pretty much black and white, I have done NOTHING to deserve this. Since I am also Filipino like my husband and his family, my mother said, Filipino woman are just stubborn. Please help me, I hate feeling this way.
Can you please tell me what can I do to make this situation better?
My mother n law then made dinner for ONLY my husband and my best friend. They all ate at the family table while I sat in the living room across the house by myself.
You got to step back and look at more than the mother in law…
Your husband needs to step up and stand up for YOU to his mother! If he cant do that than you will be disrespected over and over again, not only by her but HIM to! If he doesnt have the balls to show you respect by defending you maybe you should look at him bing the problem…
Good gracious!! That’s why I am happily single!!!
lol I can just imagine someone coming into my home and treating me like that. Hell I’d snatch them bald and would literally throw them out that door and I don’t give a damn who’s mother it is.
Give her a reality check. No one deserves to be treated like that. Let her know it’s her fault she didn’t come to the wedding. Shout at her if you have to.
Oh, you wrote a lot but this is easy……..ignore your mother-in-law, stay away from her and don’t let her see your baby. If she pretends you are invisible, act like it.
What kind of man (and I use the term loosely) would sit by and let his mother treat his wife so badly? What kind of man would allow his mother to gossip about his wife? Tell him that HE has to stop his mother NOW, that he is not acting like a husband but like his busybody mother.
Read the signs! Your mother-in-law is hell bent on destroying your marriage. Stand up to her and don’t let that happen.
Personally, I would refuse to go to my MIL house if she treated me that way. I would totally support my hubby going because that is his mother and his childhood home, but I would graciously decline his invitation to tag-along.
Another thing that I think might make your situation slightly more tolerable is to invite your MIL to your home. This leaves you in control of the situation. You are carrying your husbands baby and he needs to be more supportive of you. In my marriage, I come first (or should I say we come first) I understand that his mother gave birth to him, but now, in this stage in life, our relationship comes first all the time. I don’t mind my MIL too much, she is a little annoying sometimes, but for the most part we get along, but if she ever did treat me like that, you can bet I would be speaking loud and clear about the situation.
first of all WOW!….ummmm, well i think ill start with the pregnancy part!…i know you feel that you should keep your mother in law away from your child….but you have to consider the child aswell, your denying it a grandparent!….wait and see how she is with your baby when its born….if shes as bad with the child as she is with you then id say just write her off!…
NOW….as for your husband!…..i cannot for the life of me understand why he lets his mother treat you the she does!….YOU and your FUTURE CHILD are his family now (of course including your first child aswell). I suggest you sit down with him and have a very serious discussion with him about this! Tell him that you feel like an outcast in your own family! not to mention you are having his child! which means all this stress that his nasty mother is putting on you will just make you sick….your supposed to enjoy pregnancy….and shes taking that away from you DONT LET HER! Your husband really needs to put his foot down with his mother, and shes just going to have to put up or shut up about the situation….her son married you for a reason, and sooner or later shes going to have to realise that hes not her little boy anymore! let him be a man! and stop treating the mother of her future grandchild like crap!!
I really feel for you in this situation luv, i couldnt imagine what it would be like for you! but you have to get your husband to realise that his priorities are mixed up right now!….instead of defending his mothers actions he should have your back and defending YOU….
I hope i somehow helped! i wish you the best of luck for the future and please relax…i know its hard but your having a baby! stress wont help! and make sure you tell your husband that aswell!….you deserve to be treated like a human being NOT a dog!
im in the same boat ive been married to my husband for 21 years and my mother hates him she acts if she do then she get around me and say she still dont like him he been tring to please her with just about everything she been even hateful toward me i tell my grown kids how their grandmother hate thier father and they like why she dont act like that in his face she dont want to even come to my house i live 2 hours away and i call her she say bad things about him then she ask to talk to him he talks to her then when i get the phone back she says hmm he really dont talk much do he????? i say why you wanna talk to my husband when you really dont like him im grown she dont provide for me i dont go crying on her shoulders i love my mom but i have family that love me more than she really does she hates my guts i moved on with my life i cannot let my mom live my life if i do i wont have a husband or children she even tried to get my kids tooken from me and before i moved from east st louis she always used to come over and ask for cigarette money and food he provide her and she tells me very negative things about him and when we moved away she really hates me she tells me he dont want you seeing me nomore i said why come and see you when you always got to argue with me in front of my husband and kids now there grown and they dont go and visit are call her and she fault me for everything i try to go visit her she rolls her eyes at me snatch things try and pick an argue ment i cannot stay long at her house
Next time on Jerry Springer : Husband wife has a child from a previous marriage. She is now three months pregnant. She has a mother in law who does not care for her that much.
wow..
It’s upon your husband to make this situation better. It’s his mother. Obviously she’s out of control and a total bully. Your husband needs to set limits as how far she can go with this whole act. You guys need to decide together calmly what are these limits. It seems that she is trying to make you crazy jealous and all you have to do is ignore it and play the game. Give a lot of attention and love to your husband in front of her. But what really needs to be done is your husband having a serious chat with his mother before your child is born. If you wait, watch for hell from her and be prepared for a miserable period in your life.
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