If you had filed for divorce knowing something hasn't been right for a while and you had busted your husband..?
how to hold husband while kissing
of almost 12 years. you are partially separated, for the kids sake would you allow his family to come over on x-mas eve for their family tradition?? the thing is that he hasn’t eventold them that we are separated. I filed on 10-8-08 , he was served in november on nov 11 I busted him at our cabin with another woman (his phone called my cell by accident and I heard them and he was gone for the entire weekend) .We are trying to keep this low key for the kids sake (but if I didn’t have kids I think we would have been broke up years ago) I haven’t had him to the last 3 of my family events, cause the kidsand myself felt abandoned ignored and like like we were the last place he wanted to be. On thanksgiveng he said " Are you coming in when you drop the kids off?? Your more than welcome." Well he didn’t tell the family anything.. then the following day he was to pack to get ready to leave to go to the cabin for 5 days hunting with his frined and brother. I stayed with the kids for awhile and talked to my sis-in-law who seemed to be clueless. thus I said I had to go to see my aunt (whom i have been taking care of sinceAug 07 until she just recently died12/5) He even leaned over to give me a kiss and said happy thanks giving. well I kissed him and didn’t feel that it was anything but a mere act..I was wlking out to the car thinking "No one other than your brother and mother know what you did to us, and you seem just fine withthe sharade. (spelling sorry) I guess that he has become comfortable with lying so much that is all he knows. ANYWAYS>>>> I did kis him back because the kids were right there.. and I want to keep this low key too. I will not be able to stay cool and comfortable and talk the yearly conversation, clean cook and wait on his family. He still has right to the house the divorce has fallin to the wayside because of my sick aunt (I had put my job on hold and was seeing her everyday) I have so much resentment and feeling like a fool being around him for too long just makes me besides myself and he always does something to be little me and make me look like the bad guy. I am so confused. I want to move forward with divorce more than ever but with xmas and trying to get things a little settled with my aunts estate I can only blame myself. He is a hunter and I don’t want to get a PFA or that wil ruin his having a license to hunt, I am not thoughtless and inconsiderate and that is not me, althought I should be. (and for a moment seeing him not have something he looks forward to and loves to do is lost forever–I guess would make me powerful and mean –like I got YOU! but for real I couldn’t live with myself and I just want peace and respect for the kids sake . Although inside I am so in a curiosity stage all the time "how long??m who is it,, what does she look like, how could he face me and the kids, what a beepin liar. I will have him in my life forever because of the kids. Sorry for rambling on, Just not sure what to do. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this. I am looking forward to your responses.
I’m sorry he is a douche bag. You are a respectable person for not nailing him to the ground. He cheated and it’s not fair that you are playing the part of the good wife. You don’t have to keep it low key though…just don’t make it out to be a huge production. Its not fair for you to have to act like that. Get the divorce and deal with things as they come. The kids will understand. If not now, in due time. Good luck, happy holidays, and take care of yourself. You are important. You deserve better.
I agree with the first poster. I like the card idea too. You shouldn’t make his life any easier…he isn’t doing the same for you. He is gonna keep using you until you stop him from doing so.
If I were you I would make out the family Christmas cards detailing what has happened and pass them out.
Letting him get away with this by allowing his life to remain the same is not helping you or your kids.
Do you think your kids benefit from being around a liar or living amongst lies.
Children aren’t stupid.
I’m willing to bet they have a good idea.
And I am also willing to bet that if his brother and mother know, the rest of the family knows too.
Get your divorce and move on with your life.
Let that dirtbag lay in the bed he’s made instead of trying to keep it looking made.
I’m sorry for all you are facing but the longer he gets to be comfortable, the longer he is taking you for the same ride.
He cheated and there are consequences to his behavior and the children will see the truth and make they own minds up and deal with it. be strong and supportive to your children, keep communication open and allow them to share their own feelings. Seek some counseling to sort out your feelings and issues and take good care of yourself and move forrward, enjoying life and your children.
Yikes, another drama queen!
Well, you sound very heart broken. Now, you need to ask yourself "what is it i want to make my life happy?" And really think hard, is it making my kids happy? or myself? Remember you can’t make your children happy, if you are not happy with in yourself. Now your husband cheated on you and you know this, and you are pissed off at him. He’s hoping you let it go and move on and he’s fine. but your not! And he is not even trying to explain, which really, it isn’t nothing to explain, he was wrong. Don’t work your brain wondering what the other woman looked like, Trust me! You can look like a million bucks and he still would have cheated because that’s what he wanted to do! you need to let it go and sit down "the both of you" with the children and tell them that mommy and daddy are going to be staying in separate house for a while or however you want to tell them. They don’t need to know about the affair. If you don’t do something you are going to be one unhappy person for a long time and you will never be able to trust him. if you feel you can work though it. Hats off to you, you are a strong woman!! Believe that!!!
I would send a Christmas letter to his family inviting them to your home so they can see your children but add that you are in the process of a divorce because you caught him cheating. That you are sorry you hav not respected them enough to tell them this before but you were following the wishes of your husband but realize how wrong it is and offer your apology for taking part in his lies and again offer your home for the holidays for the children. This way if they come then they are ok with you being a part of a disrespectful scheme to keep them fooled and you will start a mature relationship with that side of your children’s family. Good luck and come clean. You didn’t cheat so I don’t understand you going along with keeping it "quiet".
I’ve been a single mom for over 10 years and it took me years to figure this out:
Christmas is for kids and whoever plays the best Santa should have them. Period.
Frankly, my dear, this year that’s probably not going to be you.
Marriage is a hard thing, especially when one cheats and not for just a night but a weekend. Then, did he do this alot?? Make this a grand finally and cut the evening short. Sit in the other room, and watch tv after dinner is over then pull out the xmas presents. then after dessert, hand him his gift – a box with his girlfriends picture in it. if you have one. He sounds like a man who has no respect for women and thinks nothing of anyone but himself. He is probably just living for appearances, the better the show and how he appears and the worse he could make you look the better. watch out for him. Make the kids happy, give them good memories and when they are playing, tell the family the truth. That you no longer want to be part of the sherade and that you 2 are getting a divorce and he does have someone else. The truth shall free you, he may not be happy with that but you don’t owe him to lie to him and if he watned his family there he should expect that that are hurting & that you are needing to tellthe family the truth. does your family know the situation?? If so what the hell is he waiting for to tell his family? There is something wrong with someone who can want to be with you and consistantly lie.. He will get his in the end sweet heart. Best wishes & Merry Christmas!
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