Husband says he doesn't love me the same way anymore. What should I do? Help me!!!?
how to hold husband while kissing
My husband and I have been together for four years and married for three. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter together. A few months ago I felt like I was not in love with him anymore, and I started talking online and on the phone to an ex boyfriend. I never saw him in person or slept with him or anything like that. I finally broke down and told my husband about it and he was pretty upset, not because I was talking to my ex, but because I didn’t tell him and I kept it from him. We came close to getting a divorce, but ended up staying together because he loved me and I realized that I still loved him and I didn’t want to lose him. Also, I have said some hurtful things to my husband. He does work hard for my daughter and I, but at times when we were fighting I have told him that he can do better, and I’ve told him that I hated him and I wasn’t sure if I loved him anymore. All of this though was before I started talking to my ex. Well, for a long time we started getting along better and I thought that things were going great, until about a week ago. I started feeling like my husband was trying to distant himself from me because he wasn’t kissing on me anymore or telling me he loved me anymore or anything. So I kept asking him about it and he finally broke down and told me that he doesn’t love me the same way anymore and he’s felt this way for a while. He says that he loves me and that he would do anything for me, but it’s not the same kind of love. (That, I don’t understand.) He says that he doesn’t want to leave me, but he thinks that he would be better for me if we were apart and that he could support me and our daughter better. He says that he thinks we would be happier apart, but it would kill him if I would not speak to him or want to see him anymore. He says that if we split up he would still want to be my best friend and see me all the time. If I started seeing someone else it would bother him because he wouldn’t know how the guy was treating me and our daughter. He says that he would build or buy me house and buy me a car. That that is how much he still cares about me. But, if we split up, I would not want to see him at all because it would be too hard. He says that he wants for me to be happy and he wants to be happy, and he doesn’t know what he wants right now. I am happy though. I don’t know though how much longer I can go feeling like this, and not having him hold me and kiss me or anything. I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to make him leave. We are having money problems right now also, and he’s been going to school for instrumentation and he graduates in march and will go straight to work, so I keep believing that once we start making more money we will do better and be able to do things together. I believe that things will get better between us but I don’t think that he does. What should I do?
P.S. He won’t let me kiss on him or hug him or anything because he says he feels like it gives me false hope that everything is okay when he feels like it isn’t. Also, he refuses to go see a marriage counselor and we couldn’t afford to even if we wanted to. So, what now. I do not want to lose him.
Its very hard to trust someone if he/she cheats on you. You said hurtful things to him and then admitted having an affair with your ex. Even though it was not a physical affair, but its cheating. He has trouble trusting you and lost the affection and love. Try getting counseling, if that doesn’t work, you have to separate mutually. There’s no point in staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of a child.
b romantic, spice things up
There is so much reading and stuff but their seems to alot of emotional problems so i say move on or see a marriage counselor.
Thats Kinda of Weird your Husband said he doesnt love you the same way.
Try marriage counseling. Sounds like you might still be able to keep this one going if you remember why you fell in love in the first place. Having some professional advice to hear out both sides can help you with this decision. It’s not a little decision either.
He sounds like a very decent guy to me.. try and keep hold of him, make it work again
don’t give up on what ye have, ye love eachother & things can be better, go for couples councelling maby..good luck
hes just going through a phase of some sort. what he said makes no sense, absolutely none. he wouldnt be able to support you and your daughter better if you were seperated, and why get a divorve if he still would want to see you all the time and be your best friend afterward?
tell him he needs to hear himself talk when he’s saying those things and make sense of them, because he is definitely not making any sense when hes telling you that.
your right about the money thing, when my dad lost his job and my parents were worried about money they fought all the time over it. just see if theres any way you guys can work this out like talking about it or asking him what would make him feel better about the whole situation.
Hey Sister,
Go buy the book "Sacred Marriage" by Gary L Thomas.
Step One: You two read it together.
Step Two: You two work on things and build & sustain an amazing life & marriage
I understand my answer is brief; but I have choosen not to feed you alot of BS. I’ll spare you and just refer you to this book which my marriage & family professor recommended to our class..
-Rory
Avoid things like talking 2 your ex bf that is a disaster waiting 2 happen. Perhaps its time 4 marriage counseling along w/ individual counseling. I’ve found both of those 2 help. U need 2 get back in touch w/ each other. The best way 2 do that is 2 apologize even when u dont think u r in the wrong, sit down have a long talk n agree 2 disagree sometimes. It’s very important 2 the welfare of your marriage n it sure wouldnt hurt your daughter’s welfare either.
It sounds like he was very upset, when he found that you were still talking to your x, that on top of your hurtful comments to him.
Even though you got on okay for a while afterwards, he probably felt that you didn’t really love him, and that played on his mind.
It sounds that you both still love each other very much, and don’t really want to part. Perhaps you could try marriage counseling
Keep reassuring him that you do love him, and maybe he will regain trust that your relationship can work.
I am in the same sort of situation, my husband told me 8 months ago he was not in love with me anymore… we have a1 year old child and have been together for 10 years and married for 4 years. Over the past 8 months I have been though the worst heartache, I visited my ex boyfriend during our separation, nothing came of it but I felt guilty for talking to him. Now we have grown so far apart I don’t think our marriage can be saved. my advice to you is follow your heart. I know it sounds corney but it is what you have to do. It sounds like he does love you in a protective way, maybe not sexually. it will be hard for a while to see him but time will make things better. maybe you will both
see things in a different light if you split up. it is hard and noone can tell you what to do, you really have to do what you think is best for you and your child. I hope this helped you a little bit.
That’s really tough. My husband and I went through a similar situation and at times it’s really hard. But it’s worth it to fight for our love and our marriage, and especially the well-being of our children.
Just love him as selflessly as you can and give him some space to breathe. You wouldn’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t love you anyway. Just don’t treat him any differently. Love him with all you’ve got. These books changed the way I lived as a "wife," which in turn helped our relationship tremendously.
2 books that really helped me when it comes to marriage: The DNA of relationships by Gary Smalley and Created to be His HelpMeet by Debi Pearl.
http://www.amazon.com/Created-Be-His-Help-Meet/dp/1892112604/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230945442&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Relationships-Couples-Smalley-Franchise-Products/dp/0842383220/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230945466&sr=1-2
from reading the above ,i would say you have hurt him verbally and by chatting up an ex on line , reverse the situ , would you like it , ,seems you both need to move on, i wish you both well
Well, the hottest topics in marriage are money, communication, & sex. First communicate. Ask him what is it in the marriage he feels that he would need to get his heart back to where it should be. Ask him if he’d give you time to work towards that when he gives you an answer. Give him lots of good sex. The money part………….well you’ll just have to wait until he gets out of school on that part. Keep communicating. Stimulate his mind and constantly stay on top of what is on his mind. Be faithful! Truly be faithful, you can’t keep going back and forth and you can’t decide to go talk to someone else everytime you’re disappointed in your marriage. I’ve been disappointed in marriage many of days, but the only person I need to talk to about it my wife or in counseling WITH my wife if need be. I pray everything goes fine, because family is important to me.