Can you give an opinion for my story?
girl moan sexy
Rumors went from one student to the next. Holly Drake could hear one girl discussing about how Holly caught Damien Marshall cheating on her at Demi’s birthday party last Saturday. Holly wanted to punch the girl in her nosy face. Nothing like that happened. If anything, Damien and Holly were closer than ever. What was worse was that people were talking about Savannah. People over looked the fact that they were both nice girls. Now they were the center of drama. A whiff of gym socks hit her face as she entered the locker room.
The smell was so horrible that she had to pinch her nose. Courtney was stripped down to her lacy red bra and a red thong. She was clearly showing off her underwear to the girls. As if anyone cared about how sexy she looked in her underwear. Holly had to at least give Courtney a compliment. Her new reddish-blond hair looked good on her.
"Love your new hair." Savannah said first, lacing up her black Chuck Taylors.
"Thank you!" smiled Courtney, tossing her hair over her shoulders.
"I know, it’s really hot." beamed Holly, running her fingers on Courtney’s tanned legs.
"Thanks, baby." she said, absently putting a towel over her shoulders.
Mr. Hauserman had assigned them to go to Mrs. Close for their swim assessment. Savannah really wasn’t supposed to be in that class, but when she found out her friends were going to be in that swim class, she snuck off with them.
"Mrs. Close," called Savannah, flailing her arms over her head, "I can’t swim today because I’m mortally allergic to chlorine and I’m on my period."
Mrs. Close just eyed Savannah. "One, you can swim while being on your period. It’s called a tampon. And two, if you were allergic to chlorine, it would have said something about it in your records. Now go on. Your hair won’t be that messed up."
Holly snickered. Savannah just didn’t want to get her hair wet. She felt bad for her because their hair textures were different. But Savannah had nice, curly hair. She could always get it fixed.
"Ugh, I feel for you, Vanny." Teena Drake moaned sympathetically. "I wouldn’t want to get my hair wet if I was black."
Savannah frowned at her, not sure what to think of that remark.
"God, that’s so racist." Kelsey Harris, a girl with short, blond hair, mumbled under her breath.
"Well, it’s the truth." sighed Teena, walking past her.
Teena was Holly’s wisecracking cousin. Sometimes Teena could say the wrong things at the wrong time. Like when they were at their family reunion and Teena brought up their Aunt Aimee’s divorce with their Uncle Tim. Tim had cheated on Aimee with the babysitter.
"It won’t be so bad." offered Alice Jones, brushing her dark hair.
"I know, I’m getting worked up over nothing." decided Savannah.
Palma came out of the bathroom stall with the biggest grin on her face. Holly was excited for Palma to be in their swim class. That meant twice the fun. She was clad in a pink one-piece bathing suit and her buttery-blond hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail. Holly thought she was ethereal.
"Hey, girls." she piped, bouncing up and down. "I love swimming, how ’bout you! I love it, I love it, I love it!"
The girls laughed. At least they had someone to make the class fun. Holly didn’t mind swimming at all. It gave her the exercise and energy.
I like it. But, as the previous answerer said, don’t tell us, show us. Don’t tell us that it gives her exercise and energy…show us that. Example: I was really tired from the night before, so I figured swimming might help perk me up a bit. Something about the water on my skin makes my mood just sky rocket. I suppose I should’ve been a swimmer.
^See? You’re SHOWING us how she feels…not telling us. Do you see the difference?
Other than that, it’s good. So, edit it, then keep going.
i like it
but dont tell me show me
dnt tell me that teenas holly cousin
drop it into convo like ‘shes your cousin not mine’ or somthing like that
other than those sorta things i like it
xxx
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